I feel as though I’m one step away from life becoming everything I’ve hoped it would be and yet the step behind me is the threshold of “Hell on Earth’s” front door. We call this season the “transition season”. We’ve ALL been here before and yes, maybe the step behind us isn’t always “Hell on Earth’s” front door. That may be slightly dramatic. Just slightly. But the step behind us may have been the “Grace has Lifted” or the “God’s No Longer In This” backyard. Either way… we’ve all been in a time and season where the job position we had, city we were living in, church we were attending was no longer where God wanted us to be and yet He hadn’t told us where we were going. This is my life right now. The beloved “transition season”. I type this as I hear a theatrical “yuuuuugh” - a cross between gagging and utter disgust - sound in my head.
We can all admit that the transition seasons in our lives are always horrible and never fun. They can be stressful, confusing, silent, lonely, full of uncertainty, slow, and almost unbearable. They could be considered the “black hole” of seasons. These seasons often feel like the words in your prayers hit the walls around you and bounce back like a game of wall ball. They can feel like God is far from you in a galaxy far, far away and He has ear plugs and ear muffs while simultaneously 50 feet under water in a soundproof glass tank. In other words, He ain’t hearin ya, boo!
I know, I get it, and I’m right there with you. I just recently left my church of almost seven years where I went from unsaved, couldn’t care less, brat to radical lover and worshipper of God. I also gave up my life-long goal of dancing professionally to transition into recording music as a singer and song-writer. I’m also about to move once again in the next couple of months and feel like a job switch is coming soon. On top of that, the man I was making plans with to marry cheated on me and now has a baby on the way. If it isn’t clear enough, let me say it this way, at the top of 2019 my life was put into a blender on high and hasn’t just yet settled into a beautiful and delicious smoothie to enjoy. It’s all up in the blender, going around and around, the sound of ice being chopped into little pieces echoing, and the smell of struggle of the blade trying to blend everything into one smooth masterpiece. My life is an “up in the air” mess not knowing where things are going to land just yet. But thankfully I know the One who does.
I’m so thankful for a God who isn’t shocked by the season I am in. This transition season didn’t sneak up on God and scare Him. It didn’t catch Him off guard or by surprise. It didn’t jolt Him into panic mode. He isn’t having an anxiety attack about what to do next or how it’s all going to pan out. He knows all and more. And I’m so thankful I get to lay back, hands behind my head, eyes closed, and deep breathe into His hammock of rest. Not only do I believe God knows exactly where He wants to send me to lead worship, but also that He knows exactly who I am going to marry, where I’m going to work, where I will live, and whose hands my music will land in. My life to Him is a sphere He spins in the tips of His fingers. He sees my days and my life’s timeline beginning to end. He knows where I came from and where I’m going and I’m so thankful I get to trust the One who knows my entire life in just one moment.