meet superficial spencer

meet superficial spencer

I used to be stubbornly picky in all the wrong ways. How can you be picky in the right way? I know, being picky doesn't give off good vibes or give you hope for a happy ending. Being picky usually disables you from enjoying the vastness, fullness, and depth of life. Whether it be food, friendships, relationships, career choices being too picky can often times jip you from having an interesting story to tell or an amazing life experience. But I used to be picky to a fault. Picky to the point of sabotaging a lot of opportunities, relationships, etc, for myself. But today I want to talk about one area of life in particular. Relationships. Men. Because I'm into men. Duh. I'm prepared for you to judge me. So judge away, Judgy. But let me introduce you to Superficial Spencer.

First off, if you don't know me, I'm stubborn. Aggressively stubborn. Depending on who you are and what kind of relationship you have with me, my stubbornness is either reduced or inflamed. But everyone I know, knows me to be stubborn to one degree or another. I am not big on being told what to do, how to do it, when to do it, or where. For the most part. I don't wanna come off as an arrogant, incapable of taking direction, type of girl. I can take direction and advice. Don't get me wrong. But when my mind is set, it's set. And that's that. 

So my mind used to be set on a very specific man. Not a man specifically, but a specific type, look, style, height, job, etc. Everything about my "future husband" I had planned out. I knew what kind of humor I wanted, what job he needed to have, how his hair, nose, eyes, down to his jawline should look like. Hello! Who is picky about a jawline!? Me. He needed to be 6'2" or up. That part still has not changed. Sorry shorties. But try being a 5'10" freshman in high school and having to look down at every guy in the school while also being hit with a mix of hormones and the constant question of "Am I beautiful?" being the theme of your female existence. Anyways, like I said. I was picky. Any time I would start to like a guy, I'd analyze. I'd find every reason not to like him. "He doesn't have this." "He doesn't look like this." "He isn't that funny." "He is too skinny." "His hands are girly." "His eyes aren't almond shaped." That last one is a bit exaggerated, but you get my point. If he lacked one physical or mental quality that I was looking for, he was out, immediately, no questions asked, no looking back. But when I did find the "perfect" guy. Well, let's say things weren't "perfect" for long.

I mean doesn't a saying somewhere go, "the good lookin' ones are always jerks." I don't think that is saying anywhere by anyone. I may have just made it up as I type. But I'm telling you, it's a thing. The good looking, "perfect", fits every physical and mental quality on my list, guys are always jerks. It's fact. I look back at my life and it's fact. 

I've learned a lot over the past four years of trying to find that "perfect" guy. He isn't real. No one is perfect. Life isn't a fairytale. And my list is too picky for the diverse, vast, unique world that God has created. We are not perfect beings. We will never be perfect beings. But that is true beauty, right? The imperfect perfection of finding an equally imperfect human being to live a perfectly imperfect but beautiful life together.

I've ditched my list. I've let go of trying to find perfection. That is impossible in a world of imperfection. There are maybe four things on my list. But they are open to interpretation. They aren't a + b = c. There is no definite answer. I'm no longer picky about my future husband. In the wrong way at least. I'm still stubbornly picky, but only when it comes to one thing. And that is being treated right. All I care about is being treated like I'm worthy of love. That is the one major quality I look for. And it's one of the most freeing and liberating choices I've made. There is so much freedom in saying, "No. I don't want to date you." to an attractive man who is a jerk.

Ladies, the man may be cute, but if he doesn't treat you right, what is the point? You get to flaunt around a shiny piece of "I'm a jerk." I'm not saying find the guy you're least attracted to and be happy. But lose the intricate, in depth, picky, superficial, list of perfection that you are never going to find. Believe it or not, there are imperfect, attractive, gentlemen still out there that will love you like the queen you are. You just have to be patient and be stubbornly picky in the right way.

Spencer TegnerComment